Why Are We So Flakey?

You told your friend you’d meet them for coffee after work. But, it’s been a long week, it’s cold outside, and the warmth of cozy blankets, take-out food and binging Friends seduces you, so you make up an excuse and head straight home. Sound familiar? There’s a high chance you’ve been on both sides of this situation at some point. Whether you’re the canceler or cancelee (who secretly wanted to cancel anyway), why are we so flakey nowadays? Are we working harder and more tired? Are there more distractions? Or are we becoming more anti-social? I have a theory. 

In March 1963, some 250,000 people showed up in Washington to watch Martin Luther King Jr. deliver his famous “I Have a Dream Speech”. Now, make no mistake, MLK is one of the most important and influential people in United States history, so he had plenty of support. But the fact that this man was able to corral a crowd the size of Pittsburgh, without even having the internet or cellphones to help, is truly incredible. No hashtags, no viral videos, no group chats, just a time and a place. Be there or be square. 

These days it seems that it takes military-grade planning and coordination just to get three friends in the same room together. So why, with the advantage of being able to instantly communicate, is it so much harder to get people together? It’s BECAUSE we’re able to instantly communicate. In the old days,  you’d arrange a gathering in advance and then you’d have to show up. That’s it. There was no real way to cancel, short of calling the location, and then you REALLY have to come up with an excuse, because the other person or people are already there. The obligation of the commitment was so much larger. 

So not only is it easier to cancel, but it’s also so much less personal. You don’t have to look them in the face and you don’t even have to speak. Just type a few letters onto a screen, hit send, and that’s that. You miss a meeting in the old days and people start to wonder if you died. If you didn’t die, they might start wishing you would. 

The instant gratification that the internet lends, further presses the subject. Pre-internet, your alternative to attending an event was reading a book, folding laundry, cleaning, or listening to an album, if you have the physical copy. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but for most people, that’s not as tempting as laying in bed and watching Netflix, scrolling through Instagram, and talking to internet strangers. Why make the effort to go out in the real world when the entirety of the digital world is at your fingertips?

Despite this growing trend, it’s not all doom and gloom. So long as we don’t fall victim to analysis paralysis, instant communication provides us with more opportunities for real world activities than ever before. What’s more is that we’re able to maintain friendships and connections that would have, in the past, never have been feasible. We’ve been given the ability to speak to anyone, anytime. But with great power comes great responsibility. So next time, let’s hold off on the Friends marathon and try a little harder to stick to our commitments. You know you’re going to have fun once you get there anyway.